Today I had taco salad for lunch (no cheese but tons of greens), and I was so incredibly sleepy all afternoon. I hadn’t felt that way after lunch for months. Hm – no more taco meat during the day for me.

Life’s good. Friday found me with JK and Beth headed to Cafe G then to Happy Hour. JK walks quickly and I’ve had to struggle to keep up with him in the past. Today I walked faster than he did and I hadda slow down.

Beth talked about how much lighter she felt after eating the food there, and JK agreed – he said he felt it was refreshing. He also said he wouldn’t mind cooking like this all summer – good summer food. She asked some questions about Sina and Jerry, and I filled her in about how Sina went 100% raw for 9 months then fell off the wagon. Beth planned to start her diet the next day, and it was really hard for me not to jump in with all kinds of tips and advice. I managed to just offer recipes if she was interested, she could get in touch. She nodded with a smile. I did manage to get in one tip when we were talking about Sina and Jerry – “I believe if you, anyone, decides this is 100% the way I’m doing it, they’re gonna fail. I’m not gonna go 100% anything. This forms the basis of my food, but I’m still eating a lot of other stuff. 100% anything is too restrictive for a lifetime change.” *grin* It’s so true. I’ve decided I’m going to eat whatever the hell I want if I really want it. I’ll have a hot dog. I’ll have a burger. I’ll have full-fat dairy ice cream. I’ll have See’s. But what I’m finding is that I don’t want those things *enough* for the most part. But when I do, I have a bit and enjoy. That’s the key to making this work for me, and for a lot of people, I suspect.

JK bought the Cafe G recipe book, and yesterday he got in touch with me via AIM to say he’d been doing some research, bought some ingredients for the Thai salad recipe, but couldn’t find agave nectar or Nama Shoyu. Pointed him in the right direction. He did, however, emphasize that he was *not* going raw, just expanding his repertoire. *chuckle* I didn’t, and don’t, expect anybody to go raw.

I caught Beth saying, when she thought I was out of earshot, “The food’s good, but not for me, no way.” I wasn’t in a position to overhear JK’s response, so I have no idea what he said back. I’m sorry she felt she couldn’t tell *me* that. I have no problem with her feeling that way. I used to feel that way and I think 95%, if not more, of Americans, feel that way. I thought Sina was NUTS, I really did. I kinda thought, well, that *is* healthier than a lot of people, but still. Dat’s going too far. So I understand completely. If you’d told me last Christmas I’d be eating a mostly raw diet by April 1, 2007, I would have died laughing. Again, I get it. I really do understand that “she’s whack” perspective.

So what made this happen for me? For Mom, it was a lot of small, gradual changes. For me, it was desperation brought on by being afraid to eat. But the biggie was the detox. I was able to tell myself “just 3 weeks then I can eat whatever I want.” That helped so much, because dieting really brings on this deprivation mentality – “forever,” ya know. “just 3 weeks” helped BOTH of us get through it. And by 3 weeks without sugar, dairy, wheat, most meats, some fruits, and a lot of other things, we’d re-programmed our taste buds and bodies in many ways. The process wasn’t done, but it’d started and progressed enough for us to be somewhat into it. It also helped us to identify what we missed the most. For me, bread was a big thing. I added it back right away, and for Mom, it was sugar. A few weeks later, I made her a deal – go one week without sugar and I’d keep her in fruit shakes and raw desserts. It was agonizing for her, but it paid off. She still wants sugar but raw desserts satisfy her sweet tooth and she’s able to shrug off sugar more easily. As I put it the first week off detox, “We detoxed and I’m in no hurry to retox.” I’m finding I enjoy the flexibility of being able to sample a fancy gourmet fruity brownie when it’s offered to me and of deciding I simply don’t want 98% of the sugar that’s offered to me, but my body and taste buds are more interested in fruits, vegetables, nuts, a variety of grains, and a bit of other flavors than in anything else. I would recommend the 3 week detox to anybody, with a few caveats – be willing to be adventurous in your eating and try different things. Find a good raw restaurant nearby before starting, and be prepared for it to be very hard the first week or two. The detox makes a world of difference.

Back to last Friday – Beth said, out of Jason’s earshot, “From the back you really look smaller. Have you lost a lot of weight?” I nodded with a smile, saying, “Yeah.” She said, “Good for you!” I said, “It’s so weird to me, cuz it really was not my plan,” and went on very briefly to tell her about how I was so shocked when I got on a scale, took a few days to adjust, and then decided upon a goal, only to find myself eating things that weren’t good for me for 3 days, and how I said, “this is ridiculous – no more goal,” and went back to eating well. She said, “Maybe I should do that – just forget about losing weight.” I nodded in a s ort of supportive, “mmm.” way. I also told her about the “Make an authorized YOU-turn” from YOU on a Diet, by Michael Roizen and Mehmet Oz. I told her about how I’d found myself snacking on milk chocolate peanuts the night before, allowed myself to enjoy that, shrugged, and moved on by having a fruit shake. (She’s the kind of person who decides she’s failed once she goes off even once, I think, so I figured it’d be good for her to hear that.) I basically shut up after that but thought those two things might be good. Nobody wants to hear someone else preach, ya know.

Beth also commented during dinner on how everyone who works there has fabulous skin, and Jason said maybe they did something to their skin. Beth said, “No, it’s the FOOD. Look at Jenny’s skin. It looks great.” Jason did look at me and say, “Yeah, I noticed that.” First comment he’s made beyond “You look good.” I agree – raw foodists have fabulous eyes and skin.

We talked about a LOT more than just food and *moi*, but cuz of the nature of this blog, that’s the focus of what I’m posting here. *grin* It was a really fun, relaxing, mellow evening. I’m glad we went.

For the past 5 or so days, I’ve been swimming for 30 minutes most days – vigorous, aerobic swimming with 1, usually 2, intervals as well as stretching out before and after. It feels really good, but it’s really doing a number on my skin. My skin feels so parched, it’s getting blotchy, and my face is irritated by whatever I put on it. Out of desperation, I put olive oil on my face last night. I’m very upset by this development. Swimming is the BEST overall toning and cardio exercise for me – I don’t have to take a class, I don’t have to modify anything to ensure I’m getting the maximum benefit, et cetera. I’m gonna call the dermatologist tomorrow for an appointment during spring break so I can find out what to do for my skin. Grr.

I’ve also been making a concerted effort to cut down on Larabars and snapea crisps. I’m finding I need less food overall. Maybe my body is adjusting to this lifestyle. Hm.

Yesterday I went shopping and enjoyed seeing how much better clothes out there fit me. I got one new top that I really like and it was cheap, so if I can’t wear it in a few months, no skin off my nose.

Overall life IS good. *beam*

I can cross my legs now! I couldn’t before.

Today I discovered I can sit at a student desk without difficulty! Wheeeeeeeee!

A few people asked me if I was losing weight over the past couple of days, which was nice. Jane asked, and I know it’s hard for her. She’s been trying off and on for awhile now. But today Clare asked “are you losing weight?” and I said yes. She then said, “a lot of HS students are talking about it, ’she’s losing weight’ and all that. You look good!” W-ow. *preen*

Yesterday I swam for 28 minutes with 2 interval boosts. Over 20 minutes of that was in my aerobic zone. I spent another 15 minutes walking and stretching in the water.

I’m also trying to cut down on the snapea crisps and Larabars, as well as making smaller fruit shakes. I don’t necessarily expect to see a difference this soon, but I think it’s a good idea.

I’ve worn two dresses I couldn’t wear before so far this week, and hon, I like it! *grin*

GOSH – since I last posted more and more people have been commenting on my weight loss.

Cheryl said sometime this past week, “People have been asking me if you’ve lost weight and I’ve been saying Y E S! Why they’re asking ME, I don’t know, but FYI,” with a sweet smile.

Beth said this week she was so impressed with me, eating the same thing for lunch every day. I told her that I actually don’t. I vary this, which helps so much – I couldn’t do it if it were just a salad (which is true!). She said, “But still I’m impressed,” so I thanked her with a smile. I have a huge bed of greens and two smallish tomatoes, along with something to provide flavor and texture. I’ve had ground beef, sweet and sour chicken, stir fry, nuts, cheese, bruschetta, and other things – a very small serving, really, but it makes the salad more interesting and palatable. I also make a point of having a small plateful of blueberries and blackberries as well daily. The thing is that’s what I truly WANT. It’s what feels good now. It’s what’s tasty.

That leads me to think… I’m just amazed at how EASY this is for me. Really. Before going to Cafe G 5 days into the detox last January, I was climbing the walls, feeling like all I could eat was raw fruits and vegetables. Cafe G helped me expand my food horizons and realize, no, that’s not all there is. And incidentally, eating this way is satisfying and delicious. It also helped to have Mom doing it with me – it was a source of support. It was still somewhat hard until after 2 weeks into the detox, but around then, I started thinking mostly raw would be a good way of life and I’d be OK with it. That’s when I REALLY got into research, buying a food processor, finding recipes, and so on. But since that turning point where I started thinking I’d be fine with this way of life, it’s been easy. Really. I don’t feel deprived. I don’t crave junk. I would still like burgers, hot dogs, a plateful of Chinese food, sandwiches, See’s Dark Bordeaux and Milk Peppermint Patties, and mint chocolate chip ice cream, but … I just am not interested enough to have them, knowing what they do to my body. Simple. I also find myself craving tomatoes, berries, and a bed of greens. They just sound fabulous to me. I find that with eating mostly raw, I’m just fine without meat (for the most part), dairy, or sugar. I’m satisfied and fulfilled.

A typical day at work finds myself eating along these lines:
Breakfast: One egg cooked in olive oil with veggies (tomatoes, mushrooms, sometimes spinach, garlic, sprouts) tossed in at the very last minute to keep the enzymes alive but to warm them up
My Berries & Cream shake
Snack: A tiny handful of almonds or a Larabar or a Prana Bar (I’ve been feeling like I should include fruit or veggies tho)
Lunch: A huge bed of greens (at least partly spinach), 2 smallish tomatoes, and some small something (see above)
Blueberries and blackberries, along with something sweet like my raw chocolate ice cream, my fruit sorbet, a take-out dessert from Cafe G, or a Jocalat Larabar
Snack: A tiny handful of almonds or a Larabar or a Prana Bar (I’ve been feeling like I should include fruit or veggies tho)
Dinner: Similar to lunch and I often have a shake too – fruity or my banana chocolate shake
After dinner: For the last 2 weeks I’ve had to have a whole bag of baked snap pea crisps… it’s driving me nuts and I’m working on weaning myself off of that. Grr.
But in general – no sugar, no dairy, no cooked starches, rarely meat, and not much at all in the way of processed/cooked foods.

When I look back at how sick I was last December and how I was lying in bed, thinking to myself, “food is killing me,” I’m amazed at how much has changed in three short months. Food is now revitalizing me and nourishing me. Thank god for that because I could not possibly have continued in the direction I was headed. Food was crippling me and sapping me of my vitality, and yes, my very life. Thank god for that chance outing to Cafe G that time with Sina and Roberta, for Mark H’s detox plan, and for Mom.

Speaking of Cafe G – went to celebrate its third anniversary on Thursday. They were celebrating at its flagship restaurant in the Mission District, and hey, any excuse to go to SF and to eat there… *devilish grin* We walked almost a mile from BART to Cafe G, and I enjoyed a sun burger. They were giving away tiramisu free!!! And considering how hard it is to make… gawrsh. We gladly accepted, and I ordered my fave pizza and tiramisu to go. It was so much fun doing that, especially on a weeknight. Oooh. ‘Tis so nice to have so much more energy and not to spend my nights and weekends sleeping.

Y’know something… I’m feeling like a boring person because my whole life right now is revolving around the changes I’ve made and all I can think about is how good I feel, how much weight I’ve lost, and the changes I’ve made. I’m not a brilliant conversationalist at this point my life, I’m afraid. I don’t like that because I think I’m an interesting person who is interested in many different things, but I think this is what I need to do for right now. I’ve been neglecting myself for far too long. I need to take care of myself. If that makes me boring, so be it. *shrug* Still doesn’t mean I like it, though.

For the last several days, I’ve been making a real point to include exercise. Actually 3 weeks now, but off and on. I’ve been trying to make sure I walk over 10,000 steps daily. Last Saturday I walked all the way to the Safeway across the bridge and Sunday I walked all over the main drag, hitting the bookstore and the natural marketplace. Both were so much fun and relaxing! Yesterday I went to water aerobics. There are only 2 teachers I like in town at the moment, and one teaches Tuesday mornings. :/ The other one teaches Friday evenings and for the past several weeks, I haven’t been able to go. I was absolutely determined to go yesterday and I battled traffic to do it – I was 10 minutes late, but I went, I went! Today I walked for 45 minutes, coupled with 2 interval bursts. It was longer than I’ve walked on a treadmill before, and I hadn’t done interval training on the treadmill before. I’m determined to swim. I feel like I’ve gotten so flabby since I’ve lost weight and not exercised, I can’t stand it. Swimming will help tone me overall, and hey, I love swimming. I’ve also been trying to spend time in the sauna every time I go to the gym, because I want toxins out of my body. See, we all have tons of toxins built up in our cells from years and years of the standard American diet, and when we eat well, those toxins are released into our bloodstream, with nowhere to go unless we sweat ‘em out. I’m convinced those toxins are what made me contract strep throat and what made me sick last Janaury/February. Out, damn toxins, out. Exercise is helping my energy levels, and I look forward to continuing.

Something very exciting happened today. I got to thinking about how some of my clothes that didn’t fit well are fitting and how a couple that did not fit are fitting, and I started wondering if I could find stuff that I couldn’t wear before that would fit now. For example, yesterday I wore a short blue cotton dress that I love because it is very cool and comfortable. But it was a bit small before, and I had to tighten the tie in back yesterday because it was too loose! I went through my storage containers and a section of my closet for work dresses. Amazingly enough, I found 20 pieces that I can wear right now. The rest are too small but close. Wa-hoo! I’ve started washing ‘em so I can start wearing them, a bit at a time. I don’t want to look like I went clothes shopping or something, but hey, I wanna ENJOY THIS! *huge beam* Time to check the machine and see if the first load is done so I can hang it up! Taters…

This AIM convo records some of my thoughts and feelings, so I’m posting it here for the record.

*moi*: [AWAY]: Off to SF to dine well!
———————- 19:24 ———————-
him: what restaurant may i ask?
———————- 20:01 ———————-
*moi*: Hiya… Sorry… Didn’t even look at my pager. Almost to my metro station now.
*moi*: Cafe G in (place) – their original restaurant.
*moi*: Good excuse to go to (place) and do some walking…
*moi*: Walked 2 miles total – done for the day.
him: ha why i am not surprised I thought u would go something like organic resturant… but its cafe! any diff?
him: same shit or diff?
*moi*: Same food
*moi*: Very very diff ambience
*moi*: In a victorian building
*moi*: It’s their anniversary – only celebrating it there cuz that’s their first
him: just different
him: u beat me to say it
*moi*: Truth is, it’s just an excuse to walk and to go top sf
*moi*: Hehe
him: which area in (place)?
*moi*: Beats walking in the gym any day.
*moi*: M D
*moi*: It’s a mile from metro
*moi*: And hey I got some free tiramisu. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm
him: ooh
him: rum in it?
*moi*: No ofc not
him: u ate coffeee!
him: or they didnt put coffee and rum!
*moi*: Yup and that’s ok. Cold pressed organic free trade
him: did they actually describe every nanny crook in the menu?
him: detailed on each process
*moi*: I’m sorry?
him: like how theyy pressed that olive, how it was shipped, how it was held?
*moi*: Haha no
*moi*: Just the basics
*moi*: All of their food is organic and fair traded
*moi*: So that’s not mentioned for each ingredient
*moi*: But
him: how would u know all the info about the cake
*moi*: I learned how to make it
*moi*: I have the recipe
*moi*: I can tell ya the ingredients that I remmy
him: cool
him: i wouldnt mind making one
*moi*: Almond flour almond miolk irish moss vanilla dates coffee
*moi*: Wot else?
*moi*: Cashews
*moi*: Can’t remmy the rest
*moi*: Very very very time consuming
*moi*: But fucking good
*moi*: When u get to cafe g one of these days u MUST order it
him: my goodness u been dating dates a lot lately, must be a good date!
*moi*: Haha
*moi*: Not really actually
*moi*: Agave nectar is the sweetener I’ve been enjouying a lot lately
———————- 20:11 ———————-
*moi*: Ah well… I’ve become one of those annoying people, haven’t I? *shrug*
him: no
*moi*: It’s worth it tho. I’m loving the food and I feel good.
him: i nejoyed cuz its different!
him: its funny
him: this year u and reyes brings up a lot about food
*moi*: *grin* yeah from my usual diet of pasta hot pockets burgers yada yada
him: during 48 min lunch
*moi*: Haha so true
*moi*: I feel like a very boring person lately…
*moi*: *shrug*
*moi*: But I am determined NOT to become one of those people where you can’t take them anywhere cuz they won’t eat anything except…
*moi*: Or you don’t know what to feed em when you have em over…
*moi*: And I’m not willing to give up ANY
him: ahh dont feel that way
*moi*: food forever
him: i basically almost eat same salad over a month
*moi*: Except for transfats, hfc, that kinda thing
him: this week i didnt eat salad
him: oh i asgree with u
*moi*: Yeah – noticed that. Wassup?
him: im avoiding those evils in food
him:
him: i find salad light and satisfying
*moi*: @8grin* yeah… As I read about nutrition I’m so shocked at how EVIL those things are.
him: i noticed this week if i ate uhh chimp
him: it makes me sleepy afterward….
him: sleepy during career awareness class
him: ha
*moi*: Yeah… That’s what I’m finding with raw foods.
him: i need to go back to salad
him: light and enjoyable
*moi*: I feel light, satisfied, and still energetic
*moi*: Cooked food weighs me down too.
*moi*: I gotta take u to cafe g sometime…
him: yea
*moi*: Say the word and well make arrangements anytime.
him: ok will keep that in my mind
him: will say the magic word sometime soon
*moi*: Cool
*moi*: I’m up for that place anytime.
———————- 20:33 ———————-
*moi*: Oh one weird thing I’m finding
*moi*: My tastes are changing
him: and refreshing
*moi*: Oh yes it is refreshing
*moi*: I didn’t like blueberries raspberries blackberries bell
peppers etc
*moi*: Now I love em
———————- 20:36 ———————-
him: detoxicing ur body
*moi*: Yeah I guess so
*moi*: Last sun I had 1 sees candy
*moi*: I felt lightheaded and weighted down
*moi*: Couldn’t believe it
*moi*: ONE???

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged… there’s so much I want to share about the profound changes in my body, my thinking, my illnesses, and so on. I hope I’ll be able to catch up soon because I want a record of this journey. I just have had zero interest in blogging at all about anything for quite awhile.

Anyway, I think I’ve lost 50 pounds since late December. I think I weighed 275 or 276 the last time I went to the doctor. I went a week ago Monday and weighed 226. The scales at the gym say 230, tho’… Gosh. Mom told me today she asked Daisy to weigh herself and she weighed 47 pounds. I’ve lost a Daisy!!!

My clothes are fitting so differently, I can’t believe it. Things that fit well are way too big. Things that were too tight are perfect or a little bit big/small. I’m wearing stuff I haven’t worn in years and I’m sad about some new clothes that I absolutely love that don’t fit anymore. Last Sunday I needed a pair of shorts and none of mine fit. I had to dig through a box of shorts I haven’t worn in years and found a pair that fits very well. I am just amazed by this.

I’ve been feeling so different. I look different in the mirror, so I’d been starting to wonder why people haven’t said a word. I’ve gotten lots of “You look good”s and a few “You look healthy”s, but that’s it. On Tuesday, Brenda came in to my room and said, “I wanted to say that I’ve noticed you’ve lost some weight. Congratulations. You look good. You’ve been working on it?” I told her, “Actually, no.” and briefly explained about how I’d been sick so much (“I’ve noticed that, yes” from Brenda) and how I’d decided to focus on my health. Losing weight was an unexpected, but nice result. And I thanked her for noticing. We chatted a bit more – I really appreciated her coming in to tell me privately. That showed real respect and caring.

Yesterday when I was waiting for a union steward meeting to begin, I was chatting with Ron and Cheryl, waiting for the others to show up. Ron noticed that I’d brought a tomato and blueberries. He said, “That’s great – eating several small meals.” That led to a discussion about eating, bla, bla. Then Cheryl said “You look smaller around the shoulders and chest, you look slimmer overall.” Ron agreed. That was so nice of them.

Today Clark made a point of stopping me and saying, “I wanted to tell you that I’ve noticed you’ve lost weight. You look smaller(signed 2-handed slim-down with the B handshape drawn into the body) and better.” I thanked him and said yeah. He then said, “Being sick helped?” with a grin. I said, “A little bit,” with a grin. “And you’d been working on it before for awhile, right?” I shrugged, said, “Actually, no. Remember I told you about how I was focusing on my health? Well, this happens to be a nice side effect, and hey, I’m not complaining!” He said something else and I thanked him again.

Later today Cheryl said, “You do look healthier. You look good.” Aw. How sweet. *smile* Just paged her thanking her.

This is such an incredible experience. It’s a sea change that I never anticipated. I do hope to record this journey better than I have thus far. I feel like a whole different person in so many ways.

I just realized I should have added some info about what exactly my body
is doing, since this is supposed to be a record of sorts. If you’re
nauseated by graphic detail about bodily functions, please feel free to
skip this entry.

I had decided to go on a 24-hour water-only fast because it’s a good way
to cleanse yourself of toxins. I slept most of the 24 hours (from 4 pm
to almost 9 pm, then from midnight to 7:30, then 8:30 to noon), so it
was not too difficult to subsist until 12:45. I broke my fast with a
small handful of cashews and half a bag of pea crisps since my stomach
was a bit jumpy.

Today, after breaking my fast, my bowels were incredibly active. All
day I’ve been passing what look like gallstones, but after examination,
I suspect they were actually undigested cashew bits. My stools were soft
and full of fiber, then they got more and more watery until they looked
like mush or gruel. Beginning in the late afternoon or evening, I
started vomiting a lot. It was mostly bile, along with what I ate. My
rice crisps came up, as did the bread and water. Jell-O came up too. I
vomited nearly one full 1.5 liter bottle of water over a period of
several hours. Now I’m having one or two sips of water every 15 minutes
or so. Only one came back up, though a few almost did. Sigh. Hurry up
and have this end…

Yesterday I had a tamale and half an avocado midmorning and my body
declared open rebellion 20 minutes later. The tamale was vegan and I’ve
had it just fine before. The date of expiry was today, so it shoulda
been okay. My stomach just roiled and when I went to the restroom, small
pieces of soft waste, orange in color, shot out. I also vomited my
recent snack and a lot of bile. My stomach didn’t calm down for a bit.
It seemed to after awhile, so I had lunch – a small handful of cashews,
a salad with lettuce and vegan dressing, and a bit of vegan chocolate
mousse. I got very dizzy within 20 minutes. I told my boss I would have
to leave soon. I left another 45 minutes later after I wrapped things
up. By this time, I had a very upset stomach, severe dizziness, achy
joints, and general weakness. Thank goodness for public transit! I was
picked up at the other end and taken home. I stayed home today and I
will stay home tomorrow. I can’t hold down liquids or food. Had bread
and sugar for the first time today. I was scheduled to add one food
today and I’d already decided on wheat. It often helps my stomach, but
not today. I tried Jell-O because it is very soothing. I’m hoping I can
hold down sips of water and go to sleep soon.
The supreme irony is twofold – I did this to get well. And yesterday was
a full staff lunch, where they provided a great-looking Italian meal. So
of course my food choices occasioned comment. I explained about the
detox, telling them how I wanted to not be so sick and all that. And
bam, I get sick in the middle of lunch and spend the next two days home!
I can’t help but chuckle and groan when I think about it!